Excerpt from Moment of Surrender-

I was speeding on the subway
Through the stations of the cross
Every eye looking every other way
Counting down ’til the pentecost

At the moment of surrender
Of vision of over visibility
I did not notice the passers-by
And they did not notice me

That it talks about me. I pretty well sums up what I feel like my religious/Faith/Christianity life is like. The Christian community feels like this expansive lonely mass of people in and out of a Subway-so impersonal. I do my penance and live my life as best I can. I see deeply into my faith and because I seemingly do not see it as my brothers and sisters do that causes pain. The last line of the first stanza sounds like (on the album) “Counting down till the pain has gone.” Which helps make it more personal to me.

In the second stanza I have tasted that moment of surrender and know what that feels like. It’s overwhelming a great mixture of joy and deep sorrow. Best I can do. In an effort to make my vision also visible (in that others will see my physical reaction to that) and also because I feel that the Church is so impersonal (I should be the first to talk Hah!)when it hits me, I cry. They may not want to notice me but many do.

In some Church groups this has been misinterpreted as a “freeing of the soul from the demons of hell” or just a freeing of my heart from I dunno what they would call it but something generally amounting to bad juju, re-pleat with multiple heavy hits on the back or “Laying on of hands…”

My wife asks me now sometimes, partly in jest and all out of love, “Are you having your man-times?”

This whole song very much speaks to my heart and emotions.